mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
