Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
