# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
