I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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