She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
