booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize