I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
