Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
