Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
