you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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