Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
