I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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