how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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