i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
