Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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