brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
