Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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