I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
