Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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