I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
