Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Drunk is not a location!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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