I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
