It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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