I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
