so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need to align my fucking chakras
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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