If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
