I cockslap morals
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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