Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
