you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
