I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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