i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
