there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
