Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
