Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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