This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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