Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
