it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
