I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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