I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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