16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
