We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
