I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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