I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
