The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
