you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you win again, gameday.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
