Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
