Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
