How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
