Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
