I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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