Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
the raccoons are back...
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