it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
