Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize