Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Be still, my beating vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
