his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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