So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The Olympian is in my bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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