isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
