I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I will die if light touches me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
