is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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