Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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