Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
