she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
