The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
