As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize