I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
