I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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